Thursday, May 10, 2012

Life Goes On...Or Does It???? I'm Dyin' on Friday!

Hey I'm havin' surgery tomorrow mornin'...nuthin' to worry about...but I'm tellin' everyone who will listen that I'm havin' a face lift and a boob job that will make me known as "Morgana of Mansfield"!!!  And,  like every other doink out there preparing to have a surgical procedure, I spent some time Sunday afternoon watching (and cringing) a program about surgical mistakes on patients and the outcomes that resulted.  Holy Crappola Batman!!!!  ROFLOL

The worst situation involved a surgical towel, rather large, left inside some poor gent, which turned into a gangrenous entanglement that ended up affecting his entire quality of life.  Anyhoo...while having our evening chat that night, I mentioned this horror story to my husband and uttered that, fortunately, I didn't think a surgical towel could be left forgotten in the three small incisions needed for my rotator cuff surgery.  We both laughed and went on to other topics...quickly forgetting all things medical...UNTIL...

Fast forward to Monday morning 5:15 a.m.

My husband...aka Mr. Charm...bounces out of bed at the clanging of the alarm and shouts "WHAT A DREAM!"  Naturally I answer back "So you had a dream?  Wanna share?"  Mr. Charm blathers away "I dreamt I took you to have your surgery on Friday!  Everything was fine and then they came out and told me you died!  Someone left a surgical towel in you!"  Hmmmmmmmm...So I just kind of looked at him and said "Wow...what did YOU do then?"  I couldn't believe his was SUCH a man thing to say...wait for's priceless...he said "What do you THINK I did?  I died too of course!"  ROFLOL  My response?  I immediately started to howl and shouted "What a freakin' liar you are Ralphie boy!"  Note to self, and all you  females out don't like to be called "liars" at 5:20 a.m.  Anyhoo...Mr. Charm got all puffed up and actually said "HOW do you know I didn't die?"  So I told him IF he had really died in his dream I'd be on the phone to the funeral home, his mother, and the morgue instead of sittin' in bed laughin' myself silly.  "EVERYONE knows that when you die in your dreams that's IT!  You're done pal!  It's OVER Ralphie!!!  You're toes up buddy!  Old timers start draggin' out coins to plop on your eyeballs!" I howled.  I was laughin' so hard I could hardly breathe.  Well, he finally admitted he didn't die..."but I had a REALLY tough time goin' it alone Jan!"  GAWD!  Men!!!!  I then dragged my fat behinder out to the kitchen for some coffee...hummin' a funeral dirge the entire time.  He wasn't very amused!!!

So you might be askin' yourselves what I've been doin' since "the big announcement"...hmmmmm...well, I've been keepin' busy...tyin' up loose ends...takin' care of business...since I'm dyin' on Friday dontcha know!  Yup...mailed off a whole passel of crappola that needed to be returned for one reason or another...packed up and posted a little party favor to a sweet friend...FINALLY!  Got busy cleanin' up my office and my "store" label maker has been SMOKIN'!!!!  Note to Charlene and Cindy...EVERYTHING is labeled and in don't even have to wait for my ashes to be returned to the house...come and get whatever you both have storage lockers...I KNOW you have the space for ALL of this crappola!!! 

While headin' out Tuesday to get my hair done (who wants to die with bad roots) I got a flat tire and who came to my aid in nano seconds????  The sweetest little man on the face of the planet!  He turned out to be an attorney too!!!!  Lordy!!!!  I told him I would probably be needin' his services shortly!  Of course I didn't tell him I was dyin' on Friday...he was only midway through changin' my tire...he might have dashed back to his vehicle thinkin' I was some kind of crazy woman.  Well, I had to move the hair appointment to the next day to enable me to tend to my "tire situation"...sooooo once all my wheel woes were addressed, I decided to go shoppin' for sumthin' new to wear...gotta have sumthin' good hangin' in the closet to choose from...'cuz I'm dyin' and all.  So, thanks to Sharon and Joan, my favorite little shopkeepers, I've got that issue covered...we also said our last goodbyes too! 

OH!!!  And on Wednesday, while relating this saga of hilarity to Debbie, my hairdresser, I was assured that my hair would look PERFECT once I had up and tumped...isn't it nice to know you have friends who REALLY care? 

Today I'm waitin' for my sons to phone...both have said they don't want to miss the last opportunity they'll ever have to yammer with me for old time's sweet is that?  I howled for over an hour with my best buddy from Houston...said I'd email her tomorrow...added that it might be prudent on her part to check just "where" said email was originating from!  ROFLOL

Now, certain folk have questioned my cavalier attitude towards this entire situation..."Aren't you worried about ANY of this Jan?"  "This might be an omen Jan!"  etc, etc, etc.  My response?  I look them dead in the eye, VERY serious and respond "Don't worry about me darlin'...the fortune in my cookie Sunday night said 'A four wheeled adventure will soon bring you happiness' and when I was in high school a Ouija Board told me I was gonna live to be 83 years old!  I don't need any stronger references than that honey!"

just me...sayin' I'll be around for a little while longer gang...jan